A Winx Club PSA
by Phil From Produce
Summary: A major Problem has been going on with Winx Club Fanfiction lately, and Bloom, and Famed writer Phil from Produce are both here to tell you exactly what's wrong with your fanfiction.
1. Addressing the First-person Epidemic

Title: A winx club PSA

Tagline: This is for all you fanfiction writers...and what you should think about before you Write.

Summary: The girls from the Winx Club do a PSA, at the request of some people.

Rated: T for teen (Some viewers may not share my sense of humor either)

Disclaimer: Iginio Straffi owns this. Let's get this over with.

The scene is set as Bloom sits down in a chair in a conservative looking red dress.

"Hello fanfiction writers and readers, my name is Bloom. You might know me from TV shows such as Winx Club, fanfics such as "Bloom, Don't drop the soap" and songs like "Touch there and you'll get a dragonfire rash worse than an STD." but today i'm not here to be violent. I'm here to attack all the problems I see with fanfiction here." said Bloom

"To help me with this talk, is fanfiction writer, Phil from Produce." said Bloom

Phil from Produce walked into the room, dressed in a nice suit and tie.

"Good Evening, or Afternoon, or Morning everyone, i'm Phil from Produce. You might know me from my fanfiction writing, from my job working as a produce clerk, or perhaps that annoying guy you see at those sporting events saying nice things about your mothers, but today, i'm here for your benefit, and entertainment. The reason you're here, is because we've been reading lots of Winx Club fanfiction lately, and lots of it, dare I say, is recycled beyond all recognition." said Phil from Produce

"I agree." Bloom came in "You see, We're going to address the first problem with the fanfiction on this page, and that first problem is 'first person writing.' And it's an epidemic of self-consciousness and uncreativity." said Bloom

"Really Bloom, you said that? I had no idea you had it in you." said Phil

"I do, it's called a tele-prompter." said Bloom

"Oh yeah, or in my time, we called it the dummy cards." said Phil

"Do you care to explain what this problem is?" asked Bloom, wanting to get to the point.

"Absolutely." Phil continued "You see, a lot of written fanfiction here is done in First person as a character not officially part of the Winx Club canon, which basically means the author has a fantasy to want to be in the story, and this is their way of doing it. However, what leads is a story that readers such as myself, and others find hardly any interest in. Because this isn't a story where we're on the sidelines, itching to get in. In a story, we're supposed to be on the sidelines, in 3rd person. And the story is meant to be told not in script form, or in first person form, but in 3rd person, so that way your readers want to be in it, and not yourself." said Phil

"Like so, observe!" said Bloom

(Cutaway)

**Kylie's POV**

_I walked into the school with bright eyes. Bloom was there, so was Stella. they walked up to me._

_Stella: hello, your shoes are tre-cut-e!_

_Me: I know, I bought them at the mall_

_Bloom: Yeah, unlike those dumb shoes on brooke, so uncool!_

_Brooke was a bitch I went to school with. she was so popular back home, but in Alfea, she was just a skank._

_(End Cutaway)_

"So you see, it's fanfiction like this that totally isn't what fanfiction is meant to be, if you have your own fantasies about going to Alfea, here's how you do it. First, you make up a run of the mill commoner, but give them one speciality that gives em the edge in life, then you slowly build on their powers, but let them get their asses kicked in once in a while so you've got someone the audience can hate. And for the love of god, enough with the Taylor Swift songfics! I am so sick of hearing all that love story crap! Besides, when was the last time that bitch was in any good relationship? She needs to learn that relationships take time, and love doesn't always happen at first sight." Said Phil

"...Uh, Phil, thats not in the teleprompter." interrupted Bloom

"Damn it Bloom, i'm not done!" Phil Continued to rant. "And to be honest, most of you young fanfiction writers are too young to be in love anyways! You think you're in love but you're really in a dramatic crush, and there's a reason they call it that! Cause you're going to get crushed under the weight of all that drama. Believe me, i've been there! So think about that next time you write a stupid POV fic." Said Phil

"Besides, it's my POV! not yours! You don't get to see through my eyes!" Bloom yelled out.

"Bloom, that's not in the teleprompter." said Phil

"Shut up! Go read a dummy card." said Bloom, walking off the set

"Go f- your mother. oh wait, I already did!" said Phil

(There's more coming!)


	2. Leaving stories in Limbo (With Riven!)

Title: A Winx Club PSA, Part 2

Summary: Phil from Produce returns, this time with Riven as his wing-man to address the issues posted from readers like you!

Dedicated: To the memory of my friend, Erroll, who passed away from cancer in January. If every christian was like him, I guarantee you God would seem a lot more loving.

Disclaimer: Iginio Straffi owns the club and I ain't gettin' any cut from using his characters.

Chapter 2 - Addressing the Readers

A light goes on in the room, illuminating 2 chairs on a stage. Immediately, a small group of people sitting in the audience start clapping. Sitting in the chairs,are 2 of the most awesome people in the world - Author Phil from Produce, and his co-host, Riven. Both of them were wearing nice suits.

"Good morning, afternoon, or evening. I'm Phil from Produce." Said Phil.

"I'm Riven, and i'm the star of the TV series Winx Club." Said Riven.

"Really? You only have like one scene in the intro." Said Phil.

"Yeah well, you didn't start writing fanfiction for the show because of the actual club, right? Most of your works are based on me." Riven replied.

"That's true, true. By the way, that's a great suit." said Phil.

"Yeah, thanks. It seems like every girl and their mother tried to pounce me in it." said Riven.

"Lucky you." Said Phil.

"Even Bloom's mom, Vanessa." said Riven

"Really? She actually tried to pounce on you?" asked Phil

"Yeah. Remember that axe commercial a couple years back? Where that dude goes to his girlfriend's place, and while she's getting ready, her mom smells the boy and he's got that axe on, and she comes closer and tightens her chest and the button on her shirt pops open and she's like 'oops'?" Said Riven.

"Yeah, I totally remember that." Said Phil.

"Well, it was kinda like that. Vanessa whispered in my ear to come back when Mike was off at work." said Riven.

"You bastard." Phil smirked.

"Well, why the hell are we here anyway?" asked Riven.

"We're both here to address more things, as well as reply to reviews to the first chapter where me and Bloom discussed First-person stories and Taylor Swift songfics." Said Phil.

"Oh yeah, you hate Taylor Swift with a vengeance." Riven laughed.

"More on that later, first, I have to address another problem, that even I suffer from - Incomplete stories." said Phil.

"You certainly do. Whatever happened to 7 words to choke upon or Bloom, don't drop the soap?" asked Riven.

"I never finished them." said Phil.

"You didn't finish them, but why did you start posting them?" asked Riven.

"Well, I was going to, but as it turned out I lost interest, so I kinda left the story in limbo." said Phil.

"And you leave us characters trapped in the stories! Seriously, how lame is that! We gotta eat too, you know! Remember 'My blood colored valentine?' I seriously had to take a piss but you never wrote it in!" Riven exclaimed.

"Sorry dude, it was an accident." said Phil.

"Whatever, I start wearing depends now whenever someone writes a long story about me." said Riven.

"Well, that's more than what we needed to know." said Phil.

"And now that i've embarrassed myself, it's time for reader reviews! I'll read the reviews, and Phil will answer them in his own words." Said Riven.

"Ok Rivenator, lay the first review on me." Said Phil.

"Ok, this one's from a person named Rogue Scholar, and it reads as follows." Riven opened the envelope and read the review.

_"Yay! It's about damn time we had a series of PSAs for this fandom! I'm glad you addressed the First-person thing. That format only works well if you're doing it from the perspective of a canon character and even then it only works in certain settings. Most writers learn to stop writing like that, but I get the feeling most people populating this fandom aren't even legal to drive yet...man, I feel like an old lady now. Anyway, I love what you're doing and can't wait to see more of this long overdue parody/PSA."_

"Well, thank you very much, Rogue Scholar. I'm so glad I've touched a positive key with you and I hope to do so in the future." Said Phil.

The small audience clapped.

"Do we have any more reviews?" asked Phil.

"We got one from a Midnight Lost." said Riven

"Ok, how's it go?" asked Phil.

Riven opened the envelope, and began to read the letter.

_"Very nice read and amusing. I try to avoid POV stories. Both in reading and I tend to enjoy reading and writing Dark Bloom fics. Wonder if that is going to upset Bloom here?"_

"Well, thank you Midnight lost, And no, I don't think Bloom's too upset." said Phil.

"Yeah, she's signed to a 6-figure contract. so she really wouldn't give a damn if you liked her in her dark form any more than her normal one." Said Riven.

"Well, that's another good review. Any more?" asked Phil.

"I have another one, this one's from Flamechild." Said Riven.

"Well, read it to me." said Phil.

Riven opened up the envelope and read the letter.

_"Thank You! You have pointed out what I Have wanted to say for Months Thank you for this story!"_

"You are most welcome." Said Phil.

"Yeah thanks for writing in." said Riven.

"Well, I guess that's all the time we have." said Phil.

"Wait, wait, there's more reviews." said Riven.

"No Riven, there's not any more. my story is 100% positive and 100% perfect, no flaws, nothing. No one complained." said Phil.

"Phil, I could've sworn there were like 11 reviews for the first chapter." Said Riven.

"No, I only counted 3." said Phil.

"There were 11." said Riven.

"Well, it's time to say goodbye, so until next time, bye-bye from..."

Riven let out a sigh. "...Riven." said Riven.

"And me!" Said Phil.

"Phil from Produce!" the audience said in unison.

"Bye!" Said Phil, waving at the camera.

As the taping went off air, Riven looked at Phil with a disappointed look on his face. But Phil looked back at him with even more disappointment.

"Hey, don't try to make me look bad, man!" said Phil.

"Sure, you read the 3 reviews that make you look good but ignore the other ones?" asked Riven.

"What other reviews?" asked Phil.

"You know, the ones about how you should check your spelling and punctuation, and that you should start a forum and how you shouldn't act all high-and-mighty!" Riven exclaimed.

"I didn't read those other reviews, I totally ignored them." said Phil.

"You're a jerk. I'm going to Gardenia." said Riven.

"Yeah I know i'm a jerk but i gotta look my best...wait, what? Gardenia?" asked Phil.

"Gardenia. Bloom's mom. What a M.I.L.F. she is. I'd do everything to her." Said Riven.

"You're a man-whore." Said Phil.

"Your mom's hot too. I'd totally wreck her and give you a new brother." Said Riven.

"Take off." Phil said, walking off the stage, flipping Riven off on his way out.

Note: The whole "We have to say goodbye thing" is a Reference to one of my favorite childhood TV programs, Mr. dressup. At the end of each show, he would say "So until next time, Bye-bye from.." and then the show's characters would say their names, and the final shot would be of mr. dressup saying "And me!" and the other characters would all say "Mr. dressup!" and then mr. dressup would say "Bye-bye!" and that would cap off his show - I decided to pay tribute to him by ending this chapter as such.


	3. Stupid Summaries (With Darcy!)

Chapter 3 - A Winx club PSA

Summary: Phil from Produce returns, this time with Darcy Trix as the co-host, to discuss summaries that suck.

Disclaimer: If I was making money off the winx club, iginio would string me up. i'm not strung up, therefore this should be ok.

The lights illuminated the room, unveiling a significantly smaller crowd than the day before, but enough to make some good noise.

Then a spotlight illuminated the stage, revealing 2 figures - The author, Phil from Produce wearing a nice suit and tie, and Darcy Trix, in a very sexy strapless dress and short skirt.

"Good morning, afternoon, or evening everyone, I'm Phil from produce." Said Phil

"And i'm Darcy Trix, you know you came to see me." Said Darcy

"Well taking that dress into account, I definitely can see you." Said Phil

"What's that supposed to mean?" Asked the confused trix sister

"It means i'm seeing a lot more than just your face." Said Phil

"Hey, when you called me to ask me onto the show, you told me to wear a dress, and this was the dressiest thing I could find!" Darcy shot back

"It cuts off just below your ass and I see more boob than is necessary. You look like a desperate girl at a nightclub." Said Phil

"Now you hold it..." Darcy got cut off

"On today's show, We are going to discuss really bad summaries." Said Phil

"I'll get back to you on the dress, Phil. But yes, we're going to discuss bad summaries." Said Darcy

"Now a summary is supposed to suck people into a story without sounding way too detailed or breaking the 4th wall. And breaking the 4th wall is so easy it's no wonder so many authors do it." Said Phil

"Breaking the 4th wall could mean simply saying "Read and Review" or adding in an authors note in dead centre of the story, but of course, even Phil has done both of those, meaning he could be a desperate writer at a fanfiction site." Darcy said with an evil smile

"Oh, so we're doing that now?" Phil spoke up, knowing exactly why Darcy said what she did.

"Yeah we are. But back to our writers." Darcy turns back to the camera "Breaking the 4th wall totally takes the reader out of the fantasy world they walked into, because then you are reminded you are in fact reading a story, and it's not as fun as it should be."

"Breaking the 4th wall is ok when you are writing a comedy though, because it's a comedy and it's not meant to suck the reader in, it's meant to make the reader laugh, and if you break the 4th wall at the right time, it can be totally hilarious. And if you think about it, the fanfic you're reading right now has broken the 4th wall through and through." Said Phil

"Moving on, in summaries, most of them seem to be way too close up, and they don't make any sense." Said Darcy

"Sentences that go like "She always felt this way" or "it's never happened like this before." is like zooming in way too close and not giving a totally accurate description of what your story's about. Is it about her having to pee or is it her having a pregnancy?" said Phil

"Yeah, so that's another thing. Try to make your summaries sound interesting without giving away too many details." Said Darcy

"And on top of that, Pregnancy stories suck! If I want pregnancy drama, i'll watch the Maury Povich show!" said Phil

"Uh Phil, Pregnancy stories are what girls love. You're a guy, you totally don't understand the pain of pregnancy." said Darcy

"Well, I guess I don't. Anyways, it's now time for fan reviews." Said Phil

"Ok, I have a bag full of reviews, let's read this one from Nadeshikolove1224, shall we?"

Darcy opened the letter and read it out loud.

_"I'm sorry to hear the lost of your friend. All things considered I guess the genre "Parody" didn't display the message. Anyways, this took forever to update and I was looking for some laughter in for my Blizzardy Friday!_

P.S.: Riven: Absolute Man Whore! That whole scene between him and Vanessa would make a hilarious fanfic."

"Yeah, the loss of my friend is certainly sucky. He was a great guy too." Said Phil

"Who cares? Him and Bloom's adoptive mom? That's a porn tape i'd pay to watch." Said Darcy

"You can, it's called Vanessa's boytoy. Rated M for mature." Phil spoke like a radio announcer.

"What? You mean they actually did it?" Asked Darcy

"With a vengeance." Phil said "And continue with the letters."

"Ok, here's one from Lala Sharada." Darcy began to read.

_"HAHAHA! This is hilarious! So great and an interesting way to voice your opinions about the W.C. fandom. It might fly better in the forums, although you might not generate any interest in the forum without this story. Hmmm, maybe with each new chapter you can also post a new topic in the forum, about each new problem and offer some constructive criticism._

Anyway, my biggest gripe is about the Gen 2 W.C. fics and how unoriginal they are, and badly written. And how there is very little original plots within the fandom at all, everyone just copies the other, its so frustrating!"

"What the hell is with you and the 'forums?' I don't need no stinkin' forums!" Phil blurted out

"But you do need to talk about the 2nd paragraph, this writer is sooooo right about that!" Darcy said

"I agree. what is with all the stories being almost virtually identical? You see, when I write, I try to mix up the topics to be unique and not just about love or something. Like Bloom Becomes a lifeguard? and Bloom Becomes a lifeguard 2 Ahemahemak Attack? Those 2 stories were unique! who would've thought to write a story about Bloom learning how to protect people at a beach?" Said Phil

"Yeah, almost all of them are just love crossovers and stuff? Like Bloom dating Timmy or Orphir dating Stormy or hell, Faragonda going down on Helia!" Said Darcy

"Oh god, Darcy, please don't put that image into my head!" Phil exclaimed

"Sorry. Let's get to another letter." said Darcy

_"Wow. I didn't expect you to start responding to your reviews in the actual PSAs, let alone that you would pick one of mine to respond to. Sad to say, I've left a lot of stories half-finished over the years (although I've gotten better about not posting something until I have at least the general plot outline typed up). Speaking of which, I need to get back to finishing the final draft of the latest chapter in one of my paused-but-certainly-not-forgotten fanfictions."_

"Of course i'm going to answer your reviews, and maybe I should retitle this 'Story' into "Daily show" cause we passed the PSA stage a long time ago." Said Phil

"But I am going to go after you for leaving stories half-done. That's not cool at all. what would happen if you left every job half-finished? that's not fair! I mean, doesn't your boss pay you half and then say 'I'll pay the rest later.' like a jerk? No he doesn't. Finish your stories! don't leave em in limbo!" Darcy yelled out

"Darcy, calm down, it's just fanfiction, not rocket science." Said Phil

"Ok, last review of this show. This one's coming from Chibi Horsewoman." Said Darcy

_I'd've thought you'd throw him off the stage for that remark Phil. :)"_

"What remark?" Phil Interrupted. "Besides, Riven and I are like brothers. He talks about having my mom and I talk about having Musa and we're totally cool with each other. By the way, cute smiley face. Keep reading." Said Phil

Darcy kept on reading.

_Thanks for giving Rogue a part in this, she does give good reviews and she's a friend of mine. I can't believe I didn't review the first chapter. It must have been when I was out going on a shopping spree with Stella using Bloom's credit cards." _

"Oh boy, You're going to have a fun time explaining that one to Bloom." Said Darcy

"is that the end of the letter?" asked Phil

"Nope, just one last paragraph." Said Darcy, looking back at the paper.__

I love this story, it's almost as funny as my stuff."

"What?! Are you insulting me, Chibi?" Asked Phil

"How was that an insult?" asked Darcy

"She said 'it's almost as funny as my stuff.' Really, like she's acting like she's a superior? Seriously, that's a ton of Bullshit!" Said Phil

Just then, a techie blurted out.

"Hey Phil, watch your language, we can't have you swearing on TV!" Said the Techie

"Oh, sorry Larry." Phil apologized "But for real, Chibi, my stuff's just as funny as your stuff. Maybe even funnier. And what's up with that pregnancy parody fic anyway? Like, I was reading it and it said 'The specialists and fairies did what they did best, and no it wasn't play chess.' Haaa-haaa-haaa." Phil said in sarcastic laughter

"Phil, you were laughing like a maniac at that fic. You really thought it was funny." Said Darcy

"No I didn't!" Phil lied

"Whatever, i'm going. Send me my full paycheque." Said Darcy, walking away

"Fine, get out of here. You look slutty in that dress." Phil yelled angrily.

"This dress is the only reason anyone watches your show! and by the way...that suit's from the Jay manuel collection, what are you, Gay?" Darcy slammed the door shut.

"F**k you!" Phil yelled out

"Phil! Swearing! we're gonna be off the air before you know it!" Larry the techie blurted out.

NOTE: To Chibi, This fanfic is not meant to be taken seriously, I really did find your Pregnancy Parody fic Hilarious.

and to everyone else, I probably should start a forum, but the whole intention of this fanfic is to make you laugh, not for serious constructive criticism. Trust me, if i hate your fic, i'll probably not say. if i Really hate your fic, expect nasty letters in your PM box.

But Please keep sending me reviews. I might eventually start reading the bad ones and insulting you for the sake of laughter. ah, bullying.


	4. Mary Sues (With Tecna)

Title: A Winx Club PSA 4 - The Dreaded Mary Sue

Summary: Phil and Tecna Discuss "Mary Sues" and Tecna's british accent that Phil just can't seem to get out of his head, cause he's only seen 2 of the episodes from the 4th season of winx club and is still stuck in the first 3 seasons before the time 4kids entertainment went bankrupt.

Rated: E for Educational, not everyone

Disclaimer: I don't own the Winx club, nor do i earn any dollars/euros/pence/yen for my parody work.

Again, the lights illuminated the room for a 4th time, and then a spotlight illuminated the stage, revealing 2 figures - Again, Phil from Produce in a nice suit, and his guest, Tecna in a nice, formal, conservative dress. The audience was around the same size it was last time.

"Good morning, Afternoon, or evening, everyone, I'm Phil from Produce, and this is my guest today, Tecna of Zenith." Said Phil

"Good day everyone." Said Tecna

"Today, me and my British-accented friend are going to talk about Mary Sues." Said Phil

"The mary sue is...i'm sorry, what was that about a british accent?" Asked Tecna

"You, your British accent. you know, from when 4kids ran the show? mid-2000s?"Asked Phil

"I most certainly don't have that accent! You're stuck in the old days!" Said Tecna

"Yeah, you're right. I've only watched like 2 episodes of season 4 of your show and i really don't follow it anymore since 4kids and fox split up in 2008." Said Phil

"Well, forget my accent, what about the mary sues?" Asked Tecna

"Oh yeah." Phil cleared his throat "A mary sue is a character that the writer envisions themself to be - I already discussed this in the first PSA, but now i'm going into greater Detail." Said Phil

"Allow me to educate everyone." Tecna cleared her throat. "The term "Mary Sue" comes from the name of a character created by Paula Smith in 1973 for her parody story "A Trekkie's Tale" published in her fanzine _Menagerie_. The story starred Lieutenant Mary Sue ("the youngest Lieutenant in the fleet — only fifteen and a half years old"), and satirized unrealistic Star trek fan fiction. Such characters were generally original female adolescents who had romantic liaisons with established canonical adult characters, or in some cases were the younger relatives or protégées of those characters. By 1976 _Menagerie'_s editors stated that they disliked such characters, saying: Mary Sue stories—the adventures of the youngest and smartest ever person to graduate from the academy and ever get a commission at such a tender age. Usually characterized by unprecedented skill in everything from art to zoology, including karate and arm-wrestling. This character can also be found burrowing her way into the good graces/heart/mind of one of the Big Three [Kirk, Spock, and McCoy], if not all three at once. She saves the day by her wit and ability, and, if we are lucky, has the good grace to die at the end, being grieved by the entire ship."

"Tecna, you just read off the wikipedia article." Said Phil

"Yeah, so?" Asked Tecna

"That's plagiarism." Said Phil

"No, it's education, isn't that why this show is here?" asked Tecna

"You should be making an original statement." said Phil

"Oh, this is coming from a guy who ripped off saturday night live for half of his 'winx club character goes on a gameshow' fanfics, i'm so impressed" Tecna sarcastically insulted Phil

"Hey, that's greasy!" Phil shot back

"And what about this story? You're a mary sue too, you know! YOU'RE THE MAIN HOST OF EVERY EPISODE OF THIS FANFIC!" tecna yelled out in frustration

Phil paused for a moment, A little shocked at his own use of caps lock to make tecna look like a crazy bitch and make himself seem like a mature, awesome person that everyone loved. but seriously, he is a really great guy. he entertained sick children, he raised money for cancer, he told a fat and ugly and desperate girl she was beautiful. So maybe he did deserve to be a self-gratifying mary sue...but he's also a selfless guy and wouldn't do that.

"Yeah, i guess i am...but at least i'm not a self-glorifying piece of crap! my character isn't perfect, you know!" Said Phil

"Well...that is true." Said Tecna

"Wouldn't that make a good 'Mary sue?' perhaps?" asked Phil

"Maybe...but you know who makes the best mary sues? Bad guys." Said Tecna

"Oh yeah, Like the terminator." said Phil

"Hey! you swore you wouldn't make any more terminator jokes!" Tecna got mad again

"I said i wouldn't make any more 'oh f**k me Kyle! f**k me kyle jokes!" Said Phil

"lick my c**t!" tecna got up and left the room

"Hey wait! aren't you gonna read any reviews?" Asked Phil

"No! Read em yourself! i'm off to play minecraft!" Tecna yelled out

"Fine, All your statues always come out square!" yelled Phil

"You stole that joke too! Seth McFarlane must be proud!" Yelled out Tecna

"Hey! family guy will always be the best cartoon ever!" Yelled Phil

"Shut up and Piss off!" Tecna left, leaving Phil in a voided room with only about 20 people.

"Uh...so...how's everyone doin' today?" asked Phil

the audience seemed bored.

"Well, i might as well say hi to my audience!" Phil walked over to a boy in the front row.

"Hi, what's your name?" asked Phil

"Billy." Said Billy

"Billy what?" asked Phil

Then billy spat in phil's face.

"oh...ok." Phil walked away, pretty disappointed.

NOTE: To anyone who's still reading and reviewing, I've got one more chapter of laughter left in me. after that i'll try and come up with a new show.


	5. Mad replies to criticism (With Icy)

Title: A Winx Cub PSA 5 - Wrapping it up...Finally!

Summary: With no audience, only a techie, and Icy as the last guest, Phil and Icy answer questions from readers like you.

Disclaimer: That guy in the Book cover, yeah he owns the show. Not me. I don't make any coin of it either.

The camera showed 2 lone figures. The first was the author, Phil from Produce, and his guest, Icy Trix, wearing a conservative dress.

"Hello everyone, I'm Phil from Produce." Said Phil

"And you should know who the hell I am." said Icy

"No I don't, who are you?" asked Phil

Icy looked at Phil with a cold stare.

"Just kidding, Icy, we know who you are." Phil saved his own ass from being frozen.

"That's right you do. But today, instead of criticising everyone's work, we're gonna read off a bunch of negative reviews. And since Phil here is so close to losing his show, and that everyone else didn't get screwed on their paycheques, i'm doing this just to get by until my cheque gets in next thursday." Said Icy

"Ok, here's a real old one, From...ooooooqueen something or other...Can you read it, Icy?" Phil asked

"Of course I can read it, you idiot! I did go to elementary school, you know!" Icy, a little hotter than normal, began to read the letter.

_Excuse me but you have no right to criticize other writers. Besides, Bloom is way OCC! Anyway,who are you to say if ppl are madly in luv or not?! And do u have a problem there are swifties out there? It's people's choice if they want to write Taylor Swift songfics!_

"Excuse me, but I do have the right to criticise other writers! In fact, that's what your doing right now! Or did a while back!" Said Phil

"And Bloom is totally an oily croc cooker, like, isn't that what OCC means? She entered the Oily croc cooking contest and she got like 3rd place!" Said Icy

"And then ran back to Gardenia without saying goodbye because she felt like she deserved first place." Said Phil

"And Damn it, Teenage love is soooooooo stupid!" Icy said

"Damn right it is! You know why? Cause most of your writers are teenage girls going through puberty and you think you know everything, and you think you've found your true love at 13 and you think you have the right to call other boys names if you don't like them, and then you go threaten to call the cops when we go to smack your teeth out for bein' a bitch! F**k you!" Yelled Phil

Then there was total silence. Icy sat there in total shock.

"Phil, is there some sort of middle school memory we should know about?" asked Icy

"Maybe there is. And what is this shit about Taylor Swift?" asked Phil

"Don't even get me started on that bitch!" Said Icy

"Yeah, damn right! It's because of c**ts like her that teenage girls are acting so f**king stupid. I hate Taylor, not only because she reminds me of a dead friend from years ago, she's overplayed on the radio, she's been through half the celebrity list like a slut, she's not even a country artist, she's just a pop artist dressed up as a country artist, and every song she writes is about an Ex-boyfriend? Why not write a song about getting drunk, or a sport instead of just being some guy's ex-bitch?" Phil was really getting mad.

"And I got a problem with her! Why don't the authors write Icy Trix songfics! Like when was the last time anyone did a "Mean girls rule" Songfic? Huh!" Exclaimed Icy

"Damn right! This review sucks! I want another one!" Said Phil

"I'm angry, so i'm feeling good! next review!" Icy spoke loudly

_You know, the great thing about this site is that everyone and anyone can have a go at pursuing their imagination and creativity, publish their stories the way THEY want them to. Give them advise and nudge them in the right direction, but by no means do you have the right to bitch about people who have different ideas to you._

"But that's because everyone but me, and Phil here, are stupid!" Yelled out Icy

"Even your sisters?" asked Phil

"Even my sisters." Said Icy

"I wouldn't say that. I have a friend who would take great offense to that." said Phil

"She said that your stuff was almost as funny as hers. Doesn't that piss you off?" asked Icy

"Actually it does. You're right! Everyone else is dumber than us!" Said Phil

"And so are their ideas! Next Review! This one's from Alijazz" Icy yelled out

_Okay, please before judging other people's grammar, check your own! And people can write Taylor Swift Fanfics if that's what they want. Bloom is waaaaay too OOC. However, I also agree with one of the reviewers. If you want to do something like this, start a forum._

"You're so stupid, whoever you are." Said Icy

"Yeah, Like if we took your brain, and put it in a shotglass, it would bounce around like a bouncyball in a Boxcar!" Said Phil

"Uh Phil, you may not want to insult the writers too much." Said Larry the techie

"Who cares, Larry! This is the last episode, I'm goin' all out. By the way you're fired." Said Phil

"F**k you, i'll go work for Chibi." Said Larry, walking away from the set.

"Yeah, Good luck gettin' a job with her." said Phil

"What a loser." Said Icy

"Yeah, He's gotta really give up those stupid sweaters." Said Phil

"Well, we got a few more." said Icy, picking up the paper.

_Awesome! :P I'm gonna review both chapters at the same time because I'm to lazy to write two reviews! Hey! I'm not lazy, don't say that! But... but...  
Why can't we dump stories and Riven into LIMBO!? Because LIMBO isn't safe! That's where I dump all my spare monsters! (And take a look in my head, LIMBO is probably the most dangerous place in the whole universe! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahaha!)  
And POV stories are so very annoying, unless I write them, because everything I write is awesome, but, yeah, I have no canon characters to do it from the point of view of, there all dead! Or not, I didn't pay much attention...  
Anyways, again, awesome, but check your grammar and spelling dude! (Because we all know I didn't, or did I?)_

"This one's a positive one." said Phil

"No! Skip it! I hate good things!" Said Icy

"Even sex?" asked Phil

"Except sex. Oh how I love it. Greasy, Filthy, Dirty, Lustful sex." Said Icy

"With whom?" asked Phil

"Oh I had a few partners...I only like wimpy guys...cause I can control them and make them do things." Said Icy

"Oh, French boyfriends." Said Phil

"Yeah, French men. They're so weak, the first thing they say when I tie em up for sex is "I surrender." Said Icy, acting all lustful and such.

"Well, Let's move on. here's another one from the same reviewer, Meemerdd." Said Phil

Phil read the review.

_Bullying? Who do you think you are? Riven? _

"Nah, i'm not riven. I'm smarter than him. Moving on..."

_But, I guess that might possibly end up being funny. And YES! Next Generation fics, where EVERYONE has a girl and there all MAGICALLY the same age, and the entire plot is basicually them going on adventures virtually identical to the ones the Winx did! BORING! Because everyone READS fanfiction for new interesting stuff! Like MY next generation one, (shameless self-advertising, what am I talking about? I play the Demon Shame! I'm shameful. :P Not really.) But, then there's also Nina-D-Lux's next gen.: one summer that is probably the best one in existence._

I never even realized that! OMG! I put that stupid R&R thing on all of my stories! That MUST be why I don't have very many readers! (Except on Burning Thorns, everyone seems to LOVE that story.)

Continue, soon, or I'll shoot you with my A-CAT-47!

"What...the...f**k did I just read?" asked Icy

"I'm not quite sure." Said Phil

"I heard something about an A-CAT-47, like a gun that shoots cats?" asked Icy

"Isn't that animal cruelty?" asked Phil

"Who cares? I hate cute animals! Shoot them kitties!" Said Icy

"You know what?" Phil threw his chair over and stood up. "I had a pet cat, and if he were still alive, he'd kick your sorry ass all the way to the pound." said Phil

"And now it begins! You wanna fight? I'm gonna freeze you like a popsicle!" Yelled Icy

"Oh yeah! Well i've been to the edge of time and i've learned some magic! You wanna play rough? Ok! Say hello to my lil' friend! AHHHHHH!" Phil stood up, Turned Super saiyan.

"Ice beam!" Yelled out Icy, and sent a beam of ice, which connected with Phil's midsection, Plastering him to the wall. But it didn't last, as Phil's brute strength exploded the Ice into a million pieces.

"Ok, you asked for it! Kame...Hame...HAAAAAA!" Phil fired off a Kamehameha that could be heard in the other studios. it barely missed icy, but grazed the conservative dress she was wearing

"Oh! This was Stormy's! She's gonna kill me! You bastard! Blizzard attack!" Yelled Icy

"Marle! Lucca! Double Tech Antipode!" Yelled out Phil, just before getting hit.

All of the sudden, 2 figures emerged from the Shadows. Phil got up from the hit.

"Oh yeah! I knew you were gonna pick a fight, so I brought some help in from Guardia!" Yelled Phil at Icy, who was preparing to fire another blizzard attack.

Marle froze Icy temporarily, but then Lucca used fire magic, and exploded a fireball on Icy, sending her flying through the wall!

Meanwhile, the studio adjucent to the show was taping an episode of the Jerry Springer show.

"Hi, and welcome to the Jerry Springer show!" Jerry springer spoke "My guests today say that their Fanfiction stories are totally causing tension, please meet Chibi Horsewoman, she says her friend Phil is totally out of control with his stories, Chibi, what's going on?" asked Jerry

"Well Jerry, My name is Chibi Horsewoman, I've been a fanfiction writer for 10 years, and up until he got his show, my friend's been a lot more violent lately. unfortunately, he couldn't be here cause he's doing that stupid show just behind this wall..." Then Chibi Horsewoman was cut off by the wall breaking, and the Kool-aid man burst through with an "Oh Yeah!"

The audience, including Jerry Springer, were all speechless.

But then, Coming crashing through the wall, were Icy and Phil, still battling it out!

"Ice Blade!" Yelled Icy, sending a sharp blade of Ice which just barely missed Phil's crotch.

Phil looked down at what would've been a tragedy if he hadn't suffered from shrinkage from being temporarily frozen to the wall.

"Oh, You're gonna do that! Take this! Cyclone attack!" Phil yelled out

Phil grabbed one of the chairs from the stage and did a cyclone attack, knocking out all the security guards on Jerry's stage, causing the audience to chant "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"

"Ok, you asked for it! Transformation! Gloomix! AAAAAHHHHH!" Icy yelled and turned into her Gloomix Form!

"Now you're fighting 10 times what I was before! First! Icicle Fury!" Icy yelled out, and sent an icicle right at Phil, and hit in him his leg!

"Oh, damn! That F**king hurt!" Yelled out Phil

"Hey, watch your language, i'm already in a lot of trouble with the FCC!" yelled out jerry

"Ok, Icy, you want to amp this up! Let's do it right! AHHHHHHH!" and Phil Skipped SSJ2 And became Super Saiyan 3!

"Now i'm 20 times the man you were fighting just a moment ago! Lighting Attack!" Yelled Phil

Phil raised his arms in the air.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Phil yelled to the sky

Then he sent a flash of lightning...but Icy was able to dodge it with extreme caution.

"Your accuracy is lame! Trix sisters! come help me!" Yelled Icy

the audience kept chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"

And then, Stormy and Darcy joined their sister's side.

"It's time to show this loser what we can do. Triple...Trix...Wind...BLAST!"

A harsh blast of icy wind blew Phil through the roof of the Jerry Springer show studio out onto the street. He was beaten, battered, but like a true super saiyan, didn't want to quit that easily.

Then Icy flew out onto the street to find Phil covered in blood.

"So, Phil, you little bitch, are you mad. What's your power level at?" Asked Icy, taunting Phil with an flying icicle.

But Phil caught it with his hand.

"My power level...IS OVER 9000!" and Phil crushed the icicle

"What! 9000! There's no way that can be right!" Exclaimed Icy

"Ahhh! Frog! Come here!" Yelled Phil

Then Glen the frog hopped over from the nearby hot dog stand.

"Double-tech X-strike! Do it now!" Phil yelled out

"With the Masamune, I shall not allow this sorceress to live and restore thy friend's honor!" Frog yelled out

"Gettin' biblical now, are we?" Asked Icy

And then Phil and Frog did an X strike and hit Icy. She flew back and got smashed against a car. Phil walked over.

"So you wanna get biblical? Let's do it like this! Carman, hit that beat!"

Then Phil started singing.

"Oh Yeah! Tell me who's in the house! J.C.! Tell me who's in the house! J.C.! Tell me who's in the house! J.C.! Jesus Christ, is in the house, today!" Phil danced around like an idiot.

Taking advantage of the Situation, Icy got up and slapped Phil across the face.

"Damnit, Phil! You're not the unicorn girl!" Said Icy

"Icy, I knew that song long before the unicorn girl made it famous." Said Phil

"I'm not done yet! Frost Storm!" Yelled Icy

Frost covered the street. Phil had a hard time staying standing.

"Jeez, this is just like the ice at Prospera Centre!" Said Phil

"It's Prospera Place, Phil!" yelled out Chibi, who was watching the battle from a few metres away.

"Damn it, Chibi! Where i'm from it's Prospera Centre!" Said Phil

"Who cares where it's from! it's time to end this! I am now unleashing the ultimate power! Behold my fury, Phil! DIS...EN...CHAN...TIX!"

The whole street went dark. But there was one light, and it was surrounding Phil.

"Ok, this is where we end this! You want to go Disenchantix! Well i got my forms! You ready for this? AHHHHHHHH!" Phil Exploded into his Super Saiyan 4 form.

The power of both transformations moved everything into a dark dimension, where it was just Phil and Icy. Icy and Phil stared each other down. This was it. both of them were at their strongest.

"I've waited for this day. the day where I finally get to take a bitch like you down." Said Phil

"And this is the day I get to waste you...for F**king me over in your fanfiction." Said Icy

"You deserved it. You remind me of every bitch I dealt with back in school!" Said Phil

"And you'll get what's coming to you...you're the Mary Sue in this chapter, and i'm gonna kick your sorry ass! Black icicle!" Icy yelled out, sending a blackened Icicle, hitting Phil quickly.

"Ouch, damnit...Slash attack!" Phil rapidly slung himself forward and hit Icy with his arm.

"OWW! You wanna do this like that! " Screamed Icy, with an evil, darkened look in her eyes. "Ice wall!" Icy sent up an Ice wall to block herself from Phil.

But Phil's Super Saiyan fury only caused him to rush forward and punch hole after hole in the wall until it shattered into pieces.

"Your ice walls can't protect you now! You want some pain! I got it for you! Lucca! Marle! Triple Tech Delta Force!" Yelled out phil

Then Phil was joined by Lucca, and Marle, and the 3 of them teamed up and laid a massive blow on Icy, combining the powers of Fire, Ice, and Lightning. The blast sent Icy back, flying out of the dimension, and a couple thousand miles until she landed in Kelowna, BC. Then Phil, still in his super saiyan 4 form, flew back as fast as he could. He eventually located Icy, smack dab in the centre of the ice at Prospera Place in Kelowna. And wouldn't you know it? There was a game between the Kelowna Rockets and the Victoria Royals.

"Well, folks, I don't know how to describe this, but it looks like we have a woman who was just flung onto the ice, she seems to be hurt...what's this! There's a man flying in through the Ceiling!" Said the hockey commentator

Icy was laid out on the ice, in front of Royals player Tim Traber. But then, super saiyan 4 Phil landed right next to her.

"Look at you now. You're in my arena." Said Phil, who would be a hardcore hockey fan when he wasn't writing fanfiction.

"I think differently." Said Icy, who opened her eyes to reveal she was not only ok, she was furious.

"What!" Phil exclaimed in surprise

"Icicle Fury!" Yelled out Icy, Throwing a series of icicles and sent the players skating to the benches. a majority of the icicles hit Phil, and sent him back into the boards, spattering him all over the "Roll up the rim to win at Tim Hortons" board advertisement.

"Ouch...that one hurt a lot." Phil said to himself

"Are you giving up?" Asked Icy

Phil fell to the ice. The trainers on the benches ran over. But before they could reach him, he got to his feet, his long blackened hair still steaming from the transformation, along with all the blood on the ice, it began to melt it.

"You are really trying my patience!" Said Phil

"I enjoy that I am pissing you off!" Said Icy

"You've pissed me off way too much! Luminaire attack!" Yelled Phil

Just then, A huge flash of lighting blasted Icy out of the arena and into the air in total disarray.

Phil flew after her and then they were face to face...in the Sky!

"This is where it all ends!" Said Phil

"Sisters! Help me one last time!" Yelled Icy

Everything was riding on this one last move for both fighters.

"Planet! Give me your energy!" Yelled out Phil

"You got it when I was weaker! Now take it when i'm at my strongest!"

Phil looked back at Icy. How he was fully charged.

"TRIPLE!" Icy and her sisters yelled

"KA..."

"TRIX!"

"ME..."

"WIND..."

"HAME..."

"BLAST!"

"HA!"

The figures sent out every ounce of power in that one last shot. Phil could feel his arms weakening, while the Trix sisters could feel the fury of the super saiyan. Then without warning, the sky exploded and everything went dark. All the figures fell to earth and landed flat on the ice in the arena they just crashed into. Icy went back to her normal form, as did Phil. as they laid there, beaten, bloody, and battered, Phil looked over at Icy.

"Hey...Why were we fighting?" asked Phil

"You know, i'm not sure." Said Icy

"Something over a comment by one of the reviewers." Said Phil

"Ya...yeah, something like that." Said Icy

"yeah...good scrap?" Phil extended his hand out to Icy.

"Good fight." Icy shook Phil's hand. "Now what?" asked Icy

A referee picked both fighters up and said "Ok, 5 minutes for fighting!"

Icy got thrown into the Kelowna Rockets penalty box, Phil got thrown into the Victoria Royals box, alongside Tim Traber.

As Icy sat, calming herself down, Phil looked at Traber.

"Hey man, whats up?" Asked Phil

"Hey, aren't you the sign guy from Chilliwack?" asked Traber

"Yeah, that was me." said Phil

"Man, I haven't seen you since we were the Chilliwack Bruins! What have you been up to?" asked Traber

"Well, I was doing a show about how fanfiction writers should be writing, and then I had a guest on my show and we started a big epic fight where I used the characters from Chrono Trigger and Dragonball Z to fight that chick over there in the Rockets box." Said Phil

"That's awesome. What are you gonna do now?" asked Traber

"Well, Considering just what happened, I have another idea for a new series." Phil said, stepping out of the box.

Of course, the rules in a fight state that players leave the box on a break after 5 minutes. So Icy was let out too.

When they both got out of the arena, Icy grabbed Phil by his shoulder. His suit had totally burned off and he was down to his pants.

"Where's my cheque?" asked Icy

"Oh, right here." Phil reached into his pants pocket and pulled out his wallet. He wrote down a cheque for 60$.

"Thanks Phil." Said Icy

"You're welcome." said Phil

"And i've got something for you." Said Icy

"What's that?" asked Phil

"Remember how we had all that power riding on that last attack?" asked Icy

"Yeah?" asked Phil

"Well...I have one more...ICE COFFIN!"

And with that, Icy froze Phil in a coffin of ice.

"Ok, you happy now, miss whatever your name is? Mermerdd? I turned him into a Phil-sicle! And all I got was 60 bucks! Geez. I'm goin' to Timmys. Heh, like I really want a Japanese SUV. What the hell kinda prize is that anyways?" Icy walked away.

As Icy walked off, Phil stayed there, incased in ice.

"Man, this is like Han Solo from Star Wars! Haha, I still like this!" Said Phil

Just then, Brian and Stewie from Family guy showed up.

"Hey brian, look at this! That man is trapped in ice." Said Stewie

"Well, I can try and partially free him!" Said brian, lifting up his leg to pee.

"Oh Shit." Phil thought to himself

()()()()

The End.

Let the Reviews begin.

NOTE: When Icy claims "We're gettin' Biblical" it's a reference to what Frog says. He says "I shall not allow a sorceress to live." Which is almost a carbon copy of the Bible verse Exodus 22:18 (Thanks for the Correction, meemerdd. I got the wrong book in the bible. and yeah, leviticus 22:18 has nothing to do with witch killing)

ANOTHER NOTE: The Unicorn Girl was a popular Viral video of a girl waking up after her wisdom teeth were removed. her friend filmed her, and acting under the influence of Novacaine, started singing the 1994 Christian contemporary song by Carman, "Who's in the House." - A song i've personally known about for years. My parents still have an original VHS tape with the video, which they bought in 1994.


End file.
